Update...YES, The Girls Are Still Here

So, it HAS been a while. Let's do a quick update:

Audrey - Teenager, enough said
Claire - 3rd grade, doing well. Rocking gymnastics, kicking butt in soccer
Back to Audrey - Sophomore, still doing theater and singing (so technically we're in the High School Musical stage...), learning to drive/driving
Bridget -1st grade, loves reading, still shy-ish, does music

I've learned not as much as I thought over the last couple of years. I have discovered a few things, but I was prepared for amazing insights into the girls, especially Audrey. Alas, I'm still a bumbling dad, and I'm still making mistakes.
I do find that I perform many of the things I thought Jen would do; shampooing hair (for the littles, doing it for Audrey would be weird...), helping with "bathroom stuff", being with the girls when they're sick and it's throw up time, driving them everywhere, making breakfast (although, to be fair, Jen makes lunch for them so maybe that's a wash), homework, and the like. Not that I think the aforementioned list is specifically for women, but I'm not the most patient person, and having me help with homework/reading seems counter-intuitive. But, it's working out for the most part. At least they're all still alive and have friends. But yes, I still embarrass them, frequently!!

Junior High School Musical...

Its that time of year again; the time where Broadway show tunes get dusted off and are belted out at all hours of the day in preparation for the auditions of WJHS's production of..."The Wizard of Oz"!

Last year, Audrey was in the school's production of "Annie", albeit as an extra in several different scenes.  This year she will be auditioning for the Wicked Witch of the West.  Audrey has chosen "poor Unfortunate Souls" as her audition song, because the Wicked Witch can't sing about something nice, now can she?

Now for the twist in all of this.  Claire is going to audition for a part as one of the munchkins.  The fact that Claire is in the 90th percentile for height, and won't come close to resembling a munchkin is irrelevant.

We will see how this goes.  I'm prepared for much in the way of diva behavior for the next few weeks at least...

Hey Dads...Listen Up!

This is one of my rare serious posts, directed at the dads of my future sons-in-law.  I ask that you please bear with me.
For Father's Day, Bridget got me a box of chocolate dipped fortune cookies.  She and Claire have been dying - DYING I tell you - to have one.  Last night Claire asked if she could, to which I replied "of course you can!".  After eating the chocolate part, she eagerly pulled out the fortune and started reading it.  Her fortune read, in essence, everyone thinks you're cute and outgoing, which is quite true!  When I told her that, she looked puzzled.  After a short time thinking about it she looked at me and said, "Mortimer (name changed) doesn't think so.  He called me fat and stupid".
Now for some background.  Mortimer and Claire were in the same kindergarten class.  Claire, somehow, became the friend in kindergarten who sticks up for people when they are bullied or picked on.  She is friendly to everyone in class, even the "hard" kids that no one else likes or plays with.  For me as a dad to hear that made me both upset and sad.  After fighting the initial urge to go find Mortimer's dad and beat the crap out of him, I let Claire know that she is neither, and that I love her very much.  Now, does this qualify as fat shaming?  Maybe.  Am I letting this bother me more than Claire is letting it bother her?  Probably.  But that's OK, because I'm her dad and that's what we dads do, right??
So, here is the meat of this post; if you're a dad reading this, and you have a son, do me a favor...please teach him to respect girls/women early.  Don't put it all on the girls to "learn to deal with it".  It may be funny to him at the time, but it's something that stays with girls for a long time.  I don't need to have a 6 year old first grader with body image and nerd image issues.
That is all.

Goals and Priorities...(mostly for me!)

Wow, it has been a while, hasn't it?  The past year has seen some exciting changes, which will be detailed later.
This is all about what I call my "Before-Audrey-Graduates-Bucket-list".  This list came about as result of two things, 1) a poor parenting exchange this morning, and 2) Audrey's entrance into junior high school.  This is to help me, hopefully, be a better dad.  Here is the list, with items listed in no particular order:

1.       See the 2017 total solar eclipse in Casper WY

2.       Ski in Colorado

3.       Teach her to drive a stick

4.       Watch her perform:

A.      A solo violin recital

B.      In an Orchestra

C.      In a Company dance recital

5.       Help her pick out a class ring

6.       Help her through a breakup

7.       Take her to dinner for a report card with straight A’s

8.       Help her make the Dean’s list

9.       Watch her play in a varsity volleyball game

10.   Help her apply for college

Some of these are no-brainers, but that doesn't diminish the importance of them.  Others are there to remind me to offer as much help and support as I can.  Do I expect that Audrey and I will be able to cross all of these items off?  You're damn straight I do!!

To Claire...

Well, it's here. You're finally five! I constantly have to remind myself that when you act like a five year old, you're acting your age.
Well do I remember the long nights when you were just a baby, walking laps in the family room, whistling the Notre Dame fight song, or Utah Man. You cried even harder if it was anything else.
And my how you've grown! And my how smart you are! I still think back with amazement on you saying your first word; phalanges.

Sweetheart, there is so much ahead of you. I hope you enjoy the next five years (and beyond) as much as you've enjoyed the first five! I love you. You make me very proud everyday. I love watching you learn and grow. You will always be my little Claire-bear!

Joyeux anniversaire, Claire-ours!

Adventures In Bedroom Swapping...

Now that Audrey is in 6th grade, and owing to the fact that side-drop cribs are parent-from-hell deathtraps, we have had a shuffle in the sleeping arrangements for the girls. See if you can follow along:

Audrey has moved from her and Claire's room to Bridget's room. Bridget has moved to Claire's room, but not on bunk beds as we don't want either to plummet to an untimely demise from the top bunk. Audrey got a new bed, but not the daybed that she and Jen were hoping for. It has under the frame drawers, but only one set of four, not the two sets of four that are on the showroom at the furniture store we bought it from. And now Audrey and I are sharing a bathroom. Bridget's half of the no-longer-bunk-beds only has one rail, but "Big Pillow" is on the floor in case she tumbles the two feet to the floor.

So everyone is now "happy", except for me as I realize that my girls are growing up.

The Latest Earworms (a.k.a. The Songs That Get Stuck In Your Head) At Our House...

Earlier this month we went on a family camping trip (which, by itself, is a whole other post!) and Jen made a CD for Claire and Bridget to listen to on the way to the mountains. Not realizing the extent of the explicit lyrics to I Love It (radio edit provided) we popped in the CD and down the road we went.
Then, last week, Jen's brother sent a text regarding the best app ever. Dumb Ways To Die is now a game. It is a pretty funny video, and the game itself appears to be quite entertaining.

I gotta tell ya, hearing I Love It immediately followed by Dumb Ways To Die is bad enough. It's worse when the get stuck in my head ALL. DAY. LONG. Its to the point now that I'm doing an internal mashup in my head.
However, its rather hysterical to watch Bridget dance to and scream along with I! DON'T! CARE! - I LOVE IT, then mimic some of the dead dancers (my personal favorite is the super glue eater!).

And now that you're doing your own internal mashup, here's the surefire cure for getting songs unstuck from your head!

For Want Of A Leotard...

For those of you who are new, or may not be aware, Audrey belongs to a dance studio located by our house. Wednesday she received her costume for her Jazz Dance class, and was told what time to be at the studio for pictures (whoa, wait...PICTURE time? Already???) on Saturday. As soon as we get home, she tells Jen the news/time and goes about her evening.

And Estrogen Hell has ensued ever since! All because we cannot find Audrey's nude colored leotard. Each night since, and all this morning has been a cry/fit/yell fest, for which the only remedy has been the promise of a new leotard.

Perhaps its because I'm a guy, or maybe because I'm inherently lazy, but for want of a leotard...

Deeper and Deeper...

So, over the Veterans Day weekend, some more estrogen was added to the pool. I met my sister Kim, her daughter Melina, my step-mom Debbie, and my soon to be sister-in-law Sara. These new arrivals will add even more new dimensions to my already vast array of testosterone laced goofs.

The good news is that I met Kim's boyfriend/Melina's dad Kirk, and Sara's fiance (my brother!!!) Brian as well. So, hooray for me. While the pool just got a little deeper, I also have a couple of new testosterone based life preservers!

Just A Little MORE Understanding, Please...

If you missed it, here is the first installment of my lack of understanding.
This is a continuation of the following Google+ post:

In high school, I was really good friends with my best friends sister. And not just because I was passionately in love with her (which I denied every five seconds!), but because we understood each other. I still have friends who are girls/women, and all of those friendships are purely platonic. But we're still great friends.

Of the myriad of jobs that I've had, more of my managers have been women. I have found all of them to be excellent leaders and great managers to work for!

I have always worked well alongside my female colleagues in the workplace. I have found all of them to be competent and just as dedicated as I like to think I am!

Why is it then that I just DO NOT get my wife and oldest daughter sometimes?! It's like we all speak some sort of alien gibberish at each other.

This is really troubling to me, now that Audrey is a full-fledged "tween". I don't want to be the dad who doesn't "get" my kid. At the same time, I don't want to be that husband who cannot communicate with his wife.

To Audrey...

Ten years have come and gone so fast! I remember bringing you home; you were so tiny. I can picture everything we've done together since then. Your first smile, tooth, step, fall, skinned knee, split lip, soccer goal, softball hit, report card, drawing, word, hug, and kiss are all lovingly etched in my brain. Today you are  more than a kid. Now you're a young lady, but you'll always be my little girl!!
As I think on what the next ten years will bring, I can't help but feel they will be exciting! I look forward to makeup, junior high school, driving (ok, not so much), high school, boyfriends (ok, not really at all!) and college.
I hope that you will always remember how much your mom and I love you, how proud we are of you, and how much you mean to all of us.

Ēadiġ ġebyrddæġ Sweetheart!

Look, Dad...TAN LINES!!!...

Ah, Summer. A time for pools, bikes, BBQs, and sunshine.
It sure seems as if my girls live at the pool. We have lots of friends who enjoy taking Jen and the girls to their pools, and Jen loves taking the girls to local public pools. Its a great way to keep them from staring at the idiot box, or the iPod/Kindle Fire, for countless hours.
Jen is extremely careful to slather sunscreen all over our kids. But when you're at the pool as much as they are, you're going to get some color. For those of you not aware, I am as pasty pale white as they come. I burn, peel, and turn white again. My arms are only slightly less white that the rest of me due to 40+ years of exposure, not because I tan well.
Last week, Claire came racing up the stairs from their latest trip to a watery paradise with exciting news for me. She and Audrey yanked down their swimsuits and said, "Look at us dad, we have tan lines again! Aren't they great?!?". I said yes, and went to go start the bath. Claire then came in and said, "Dad, you should get a tan too. Then you'd be pretty, just like us!".

Tempting, but I think I'll pass!

A Trip To The Attic...

Recently, Jen decided that Claire and Bridget needed an update to their wardrobes. With "Sprimmer" here, each will need clothes that are a little more comfortable for the warmer temperatures. The fact that it snowed and rained and was 20 or so degrees colder than the previous days when we started this adventure is irrelevant.
So while I'm up in the attic, my feet dangling from the in-ceiling access hatch, Claire decided she wanted to come up with me. She climbed the ladder like the little trooper she is and got to the top step...and FROZE! After 10 or 15 minutes (ok, probably not THAT long, but it sure seemed like it!) of coaxing her to reach up with both hands for me to grab her, she chose to skip the fun in the attic and concentrate on the new batch of jeans, shorts, and T-shirts being plucked from the bins. Bridget had already pulled out a myriad of items that were, seemingly, very fun to play with (and chew on, in the case of the shoes!).

Poor Audrey however found out the hard way that she was exempt from all this apparent fun. In the middle of the event she asked Jen if she were getting some new outfits from the attic as well. Jen's reply was, "No. These are all YOUR old clothes!" A dejected Audrey sulked away, embittered by the fact that she's the oldest and can only "get new clothes". HUMPH!

There's a Monster in our House...

There has to be. That's the only thing that can explain what's been going on.

It all started about a year ago (actually, about six years ago!). Someone started taking a very interesting item from hour house; TOILET PAPER! I can buy a 12 roll pack on Monday, and be back at the store on Friday buying more. I've never seen this TP monster, but I'm sure he exists.

The only other explanation I can come up with is this:

Girls use a LOT of TP!

I prefer the monster theory. I mean after all, if I eliminate the impossible, whatever remains - however improbable - must be the truth, right? So, since three girls CAN'T possibly use this much TP in such a short amount of time, there just HAS to be a TP monster loose, right? If they do, what will happen when Bridget is potty trained?

Maybe a call to the TV show Monster Quest is in order.

To Bridget...

Exactly one year ago today, you came into our lives with little fanfare, but greatly anticipated. For the past 365 days, I have cherished every moment I've spent with you. Although I whine and complain when you wake up at 2:30 in the morning, I secretly rejoice because I get to spend four or five hours with you all alone, just you and me! I have loved every cry, laugh, snort, sneeze, spit up, bath, diaper (well ok, maybe not love the diapers), and mess. I look forward to whatever you have in store for me in the future.

As of today, you are no longer an infant, or even a baby. Today you're a little girl. But, you'll always be my baby! I hope that today brings you much happiness, many joys, and a lifetime of memories. I hope you never forget how much your mom, Audrey, Claire, and I all love you!

Breithlá shona duit Baby Girl!

STILL Halftime At Our House

For those of you who don't know or aren't aware, my wife rocks. Evidence for this is the fact that we all watched the Super (DUD) Bowl on Sunday. We had a great spread and lots of fun. Even Bridget had a good time (I am of course making a HUGE assumption there, since she can't tell me either way!). However, the main reason for our Super Party was the halftime show.
Now, as a teenager, I had the requisite Madonna poster in my room. I liked (secretly) some songs back then, and I continue to like (a little less secretly) some of her songs now.
When the halftime show started, I was watching just as eagerly as Audrey and Jen were. However, I was not prepared to watch the whole thing 5 times. The best part was watching Audrey and Claire dance the whole time to every song!
Sadly though, it is still halftime for us. Audrey watches the halftime show on youtube at least 10 times a night. She and Claire sing "Give Me All Your Luvin'" and "Vogue" constantly while Bridget sits on the floor and "dances" and claps.

Ironically, they are more entertaining than the actual game was.

Corporate America, part 2...

For those of you who missed part 1, click here.
One of the myriad of things Claire wanted for Christmas was a new laptop. The one she had before (and gave to Bridget) only played songs and flashed lights. Jen found one that will help her learn things while being a little more grown up (it came with a mouse!).
Last Tuesday, while enjoying a four-day weekend, er I mean; while I was working from home, Claire was playing with the laptop. While sitting down watching Bridget do something nine-month oldish, I called over to Claire to have her come watch. Claire's reply? "Hold on dad, I need to send this email first"!

SOBERING, isn't it Rick????
Why, yes conscience, it is!

Estrogen Reminders

No other time of year demonstrates more clearly that I live in the deep end of the estrogen pool than does Christmas. There is nothing quite like the feeling of seeing what Santa has brought and not seeing a Tonka trunk, or a Nerf Dart fully automatic machine gun with an 80-round magazine, or a six pack of Hane's underwear.

This year it was Groovy Girls dolls and play sets, Harajuku Mini clothes (for all three), and sewing kits. The only toy that will produce a milliliter of testosterone is the Hot Wheels Shark Park racing set (and yes, Santa brought it for Claire!). I guess there is the Twizzler rope swing. I can go make the girls throw up in the spring!

A Ski Bunny Is Born

So tomorrow is Audrey's first ski lesson. We've spent (and are spending) the remainder of the day getting her ensemble ready. On the way out the door to get a helmet and goggles, Jen was sure to remind me that Audrey's new ski jacket is light pink and her snow pants are black. I really needed to get something not too "matchy" but nothing that clashes.
Ok, wait just a damn minute! I grew up on the slopes, being from Colorado and all. Part of the whole experience of skiing is wearing items that make the furry woodland creatures run for cover! The thought of "matchy" pieces of ski gear is outrageous.

Great, now I have a ski bunny. Hopefully she doesn't find the lodge with its warm fire!

Things Heard Around The House...

This will be a regular feature here at Treading ESTROGEN. It is similar to the feature I have on my Google+ profile called Crap My Kids Watch.
Here are just a few of the things heard about the house lately:

Audrey:
"Why is homework so stupid?"
"Phoooooooone!"
Heard the day after Halloween on my way to the grocery store, "Can you get me some Sweetarts?"

Claire:
Heard an hour before her birthday party, "Dad, you're not invited to my party. You're ruining my life!"
Heard due to potty training (plaintively), "I don't want to wear a diaper to bed!"
Heard almost hourly, "Dad, I have a great idea (insert random three year old request here, usually involving candy...)!
Heard daily, "Dad, I want chocolate milk in a cup!"

Bridget:
"da da da da da"
"dida dida"
"a da...a da"
"ba ba ba ba"
"ma ma ma ma ma ma"

Only twenty years to go!