Estrogen Reminders

No other time of year demonstrates more clearly that I live in the deep end of the estrogen pool than does Christmas. There is nothing quite like the feeling of seeing what Santa has brought and not seeing a Tonka trunk, or a Nerf Dart fully automatic machine gun with an 80-round magazine, or a six pack of Hane's underwear.

This year it was Groovy Girls dolls and play sets, Harajuku Mini clothes (for all three), and sewing kits. The only toy that will produce a milliliter of testosterone is the Hot Wheels Shark Park racing set (and yes, Santa brought it for Claire!). I guess there is the Twizzler rope swing. I can go make the girls throw up in the spring!

A Ski Bunny Is Born

So tomorrow is Audrey's first ski lesson. We've spent (and are spending) the remainder of the day getting her ensemble ready. On the way out the door to get a helmet and goggles, Jen was sure to remind me that Audrey's new ski jacket is light pink and her snow pants are black. I really needed to get something not too "matchy" but nothing that clashes.
Ok, wait just a damn minute! I grew up on the slopes, being from Colorado and all. Part of the whole experience of skiing is wearing items that make the furry woodland creatures run for cover! The thought of "matchy" pieces of ski gear is outrageous.

Great, now I have a ski bunny. Hopefully she doesn't find the lodge with its warm fire!

Things Heard Around The House...

This will be a regular feature here at Treading ESTROGEN. It is similar to the feature I have on my Google+ profile called Crap My Kids Watch.
Here are just a few of the things heard about the house lately:

Audrey:
"Why is homework so stupid?"
"Phoooooooone!"
Heard the day after Halloween on my way to the grocery store, "Can you get me some Sweetarts?"

Claire:
Heard an hour before her birthday party, "Dad, you're not invited to my party. You're ruining my life!"
Heard due to potty training (plaintively), "I don't want to wear a diaper to bed!"
Heard almost hourly, "Dad, I have a great idea (insert random three year old request here, usually involving candy...)!
Heard daily, "Dad, I want chocolate milk in a cup!"

Bridget:
"da da da da da"
"dida dida"
"a da...a da"
"ba ba ba ba"
"ma ma ma ma ma ma"

Only twenty years to go!

Please, Don't Go...

In a very poor homage to KC and The Sunshine Band: Audrey, please don't go!

Audrey is at her first away-from-home-while-mom-and-diddy-are-at-the-house sleepover. I miss my little girl something awful. I can only hope this is temporary; that she'll come back and never leave me again.

Big, BIG Day in the Estrogen Pool...

So last night we marked a major (comparatively speaking) milestone. Claire got her first set of panties. She was SO excited that she ran around the house for an hour with only her new panties on. She was smiling from ear to ear!
For some reason, I don't recall this event being such a big deal in my life. But hey, I'm just a dumb boy, and I grew up before Under-oos!

Sponge Rollers, Who Knew?...

So Saturday night after bath time, Claire and Audrey got their hair put into curlers. Claire had some old-fashioned sponge curlers in hers. During the course of getting them into bed, one of the sponges fell out of her hair. Claire sobbed, looked at Jen and I and CRIED, "now I'm not pretty!!!!". Jen put the sponge back in and all was right with the world again!

And all it took for her self-esteem was a hair product from circa 1940!

Easy, Breezy Cover-Girl to the Rescue...

Wow, been a while huh? Its been a busy and hectic last 6 weeks. But, things are relatively back to normal.

So, today at the end of church, Audrey was running the car key through my hair. While she was looking intently at my head she noticed that I have a lot of gray mixed in with the brown. Always concerned for others, Audrey offered this advice to help with my "gray problem":
"Diddy, we should just go home and put some mascara in your hair. That will help get rid of the gray."

I don't fault her logic, but I'll bet Brylcreem is NOT happy!

New Found Freedom on Two Wheels

The wind in her hair (under a helmet of course!); the sheer thrill of speeding down the road; the ability to go anywhere (within reason) at any time (as long as chores and violin practice are done!)...Audrey has discovered it all on her new bike.

Now to get her back on it!!

The Space Shuttle And My Dreams...

I was riveted to the my computer monitor yesterday morning, watching Atlantis lift off into history. With it went my dreams of space travel.

Now, I've never hidden my predilection of living vicariously through my girls. So if I can't go into space, I'll try hard as hell to get one of my brood up there.

Audrey is probably not the one to go. She just does not like taking chances and lets face it, space travel is dangerous. Then there is her dream of being a rock/TV star. While I hope that passes, I won't stand in her way (much).
Bridget is only 15 weeks old, so I'll leave her alone for now. Besides, her dreams consist of nursing and sleeping.
That leaves Claire. About a week and a half ago, Claire decided that she wanted to fly helicopters. When I told her that if she were to become a pilot she could be an astronaut, she said "OK!". A promising start. However, she is only two, and I'm sure her dreams for glory will change 800 times in the next 4 or 5 years.

Is it fair for me to project my long ago dashed dreams onto my kids? No. Will I keep doing it? Yes, because by the time NASA pulls its collective head out, I'll be WAY to old to send into space (unless I pull a Gene Roddenberry)!

Self-realization; Age 9

So Tuesday evening we were all working in the yard. Audrey was helping Jen pull weeds and Claire was trying to kill herself climbing our Dwarf peach tree. After a few hours of not quite back-breaking work, Audrey informs us that "we should just get rid of all the TVs".

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!
What?!?

For better or worse, Audrey is more a child of TV than I was. Who's to blame for that? Well, that would be me. And I take full responsibility for getting her hooked on the idiot box. So for Audrey to say that we should just get rid of them came as something of a shock to Jen and I. But you may safely assume that I was dancing in the grass with glee (and no, there is no video of my madly happy jig!).

After about 20 minutes of me fantasizing what life with limited TV would be like, I decide to get back to work. I go inside to grab something and I see Audrey sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the TV. I joke about how her wanting to get rid of TV didn't even last 20 minutes, to whit she replied, "I was just being dramatic".

At least she's smart enough to recognize it, and aware enough to admit it!

Personalities, Part 2...

For those of you who have not read part 1, click here.

I truly lament not having that crystal ball now. Claire, the middle child in all of this, is most definitely the Alpha of our house. Its almost pathetic to watch Audrey lose all control of her emotions because (or cause-be, as Claire says it) Claire tortures her relentlessly. As an example, Claire like to drink bath-water. I don't know why, and I try to get her to stop, to no avail. So two nights ago, Audrey and Claire were taking their baths when Claire gulped a huge mouthful, then got another and dribbled it out onto Audrey's legs. Well, as you can imagine, this set Audrey off, made worse by Claire's delighted laughter. Audrey screams at Claire that its not funny, and that Claire is not funny. Claire's reply?...YES I AM!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I try not to laugh (or at least not laugh in front of Audrey) but its just so damn funny. My 9 year old is being bullied by my 2 year old. The saddest part is that Claire wants to be around Audrey all the time, for everything. *SIGH* A bully with a soft spot for her victim.

Why You Should NEVER Eavesdrop...

Audrey had a friend over two Saturdays ago. I was happy that she was outside playing. After all, the only thing she's done the last month is complain about not being able to play outside.

So, her and her friend Ethel (name changed) are in our maple tree. I was swinging Claire (ad infinitum) and listening in on their 8-9 year old babble. Audrey suddenly voice uncertainty about continuing. When I asked why, she was concerned that I would get mad. I assured her that wouldn't. Boy do I wish I hadn't.

Apparently, Clark (name changed) and Billy Bob (same) are...HOT! My baby thinks boys are hot. Deep down I'm excited for her. But damn it! this is my first born. The absolute last thing I want to hear is that she's interested in boys. Why can't she just play with her Troy and Gabriella barbies?

So it begins. Anyone know of a good convent?

For Reference

These are my girls. There are many like them, but these three are mine. Without them, I am nothing. I am wrapped firmly around their collective little fingers. AND THEY KNOW IT!!

Hating Hate...

You know what I hate? I hate that kids can be mean to each other. I hate that Audrey feels like all the other kids in her class hate her. Now, I know that Audrey is given to fits of histrionics and hyperbole. But I also know how I was treated in school. Unfortunately, I must let Audrey figure out how to make it stop. My solution? I cracked Keith Chad over the head with a baseball bat during a game in little league. The worst part about that? We were on the SAME team! However, Keith Chad stopped.

I really (REALLY) want to tell Audrey that its ok to crack people with bats if they're acting like that to her, but I know its wrong now. Still, I ache to be able to help her.

YAY tolerance!

When Is A Tween A Tween?

That's kind of like the age old 'when do the Terrible Twos start?'. We all know that the TTs start LONG before the 2nd birthday, and don't exactly end on the 3rd. It would also seem that the Tween years don't wait for their defined limits set forth by the "experts"!

You Must Be This Tall To Ride The Pitfall...

And what is The Pitfall? The Pitfall is the newest craze at my house. It is the emotional roller coaster that I seem to have a Disneyesque Fast Pass for. I always seem to be at the head of the line, and in the first car of the train.

The Pitfall starts off going almost straight up, and it crests quickly (Audrey took 1st, 2nd, and 1st at a recent dance competition! Bridget gave me her first smile!). After a few moments on a plateau, your stomach leaps past your uvula on a sheer drop of MORE than 90 degrees (Audrey had the worst weekend ever, because she didn't play with any friends!), then you lurch into a corkscrew (Claire doesn't want Scooby-Doo right now, she wants Tangled...and a cookie damnit!) after which we hang upside down for a while (Audrey is tired and just can't possibly do homework tonight). Now we drop again (Claire can't fine woobie) to gain speed for the loops (Audrey aced her spelling test, but forgot to turn in her Sentence homework; Claire loves me so much, but really wants Three Amigos...dad, I want Three Amigos! I WANT THEM!!; Bridget doesn't want the nose sucker jammed up her nose, but is happy to nurse at the drop of a hat!!). Now we approach the loading station and its time to get off. Whoa there partner, not you! We're going to let everyone BUT you off! And away we go!!

Step right up, folks...tickets are free for The Pitfall! Never a dull moment!!

Croc-O-Dile Tears...

Holy cow! So the other night was my first all out cry fest. Every one of the girls was in tears for one reason or another. Audrey was tired, Claire hurt her foot, Bridget was hungry/wet/poopy/6 weeks old!
After helping Audrey to bed, kissing Claire's foot to make it better, and changing Bridget and handing her to Jen for nursing I decided I need a dog!

A Poodle is still a dog, right?

But What I Really Wanted...

So for Easter, Audrey gets a Tangled DVD and Claire gets Megamind (with Megagmind and The Button of Doom bonus) from ye olde Easter Bunny. On the way home from church Audrey says, "diddy, can I watch Megamind?", and Claire says "dada, I want to watch Tangled".
Maybe next year, the Easter Bunny will just bring cash!

Like, no way...

While getting Claire ready for bed tonight, I was struck by the "Valspeak" she was using. All throughout the process she was saying, "I was like talking to them and they were like, no way! And I said like yeah". Now, for those who are new to the program, Claire is 2. Granted her favorite show right now is Scooby-Doo (like, no way man!), but even this episode was beyond anything she's been exposed to. Had this dysfunctional jumble of gobbledygook come from Audrey, I would be more understanding. But this was my baby, talking like an 8th grader, or worse...a college student!!

I guess its time to like, monitor her tv, you know?

What A Woman Needs...Pt 2

For those who did not see part 1, click here
While at the first birthday for a cousin, Claire was playing with the Purse that the baby received. Inside the Purse was some lipstick (plastic) and some dollar bills that crinkle (it is for a one year old after all!). While Claire was playing with it, I asked if she wanted a cell phone to go with her stuff. She looked at me and said, "Nope! I have everything I need...lipstick and money!"

Oh, joy!

Yes, Rick, You Have a Daredevil...And Lots of Gray Hair to Prove It!

Without shocking everyone, Claire LOVES the park. The swing (higher Dad!), the slide (wheeeeeee), and the teeter-totter are all so much fun. Now, Audrey loved the park too, but not quite the same way. She would always take the steps to the slides. She wasn't then, and still isn't, one to take risks. Claire is another story.

Claire loves to climb the rope ladders, the rock walls, the chains; anything BUT the steps. I have been extremely nervous about this, but I do not help her. I only hang onto her jacket/sweater/shirt to ensure that she won't fall. Today at Wasatch Hollow park, she kept falling off the ladder and landing squarely on her butt. After cleaning her up, she toddled (undeterred) to the boulders at the perimeter of the playground and started climbing.

Now I know where all this damn gray hair came from!

Too Much Dad...

So yesterday was my first day back to the office after Bridget's arrival. On my way out the door, I kissed Claire on the head and told her bye. Claire asked if I was going to the office or working from home. When I told her that I had to go into the office, she looked up and said, "YES!", complete with fist pump.   *SIGH*

And I thought I couldn't juggle...

I am developing a new found appreciation for those who also have three or more kids! The juggling act between attitudes and approaches to each of my three girls is more work than I expected. With two, it was pretty easy to flip the switch from kid (Audrey) to toddler (Claire). But now, I have to install a third position on the switch for newborn (Bridget). I wish I was a better mental electrician!

So, you want smart kids do ya?...

Author's note:

This post contains references to human anatomy. If you are offended by such references when it comes to children, please exit now and return on my next installment.

I have officially heard it all, again.

As an FYI, Jen nurses our children. Today, as she was nursing Baby O'Miller, Claire wanted to get up on the bed and "help". She does this by placing her hand on Jen and saying, "look mom, I'm helping you with your boobs". Because Claire is as smart as she is, she knows what those are. She will in fact tell you all about hers.

Anyway, as Jen continued to accept Claire's "help", Claire asked if she could nurse her. Jen said "no, because your boobs don't work yet". Claire looked at Jen and said, "Mama, my boobs have fizzy!"

Baby, yes...Name, NO!!!

Well, she's here, in all her smells-like-a-newborn glory! Baby O'Miller arrived at 8:46 am on the 17th (stats - 8lbs 4 oz, 21 inches, scads of hair for a Miller baby!), and Audrey's first on-set of wanting desperately to hold her started at approximately 11:00 am. This was immediately followed by Claire stating that she wanted to "hold her baby sistur"! So, Baby has survived her first few rounds of sibling love unscathed.


As for a name, who knows. Right now there are several written on the board in Jen's room. My in-laws have taken to playing name scrabble, with some interesting results. We get to break her out of newborn hospital prison tomorrow. Should be an interesting day!

Anticipation...

In exactly 24 hours, Jen and I will be at the hopspital (as Claire calls it) getting ready for the delivery of the newest Miller. I can't help but think what will be different tomorrow from today. The baby (nope, no name yet!) will certainly have the worst of it! Claire will be pretty weirded out as well. Audrey is taking it all really well. At this point she just wants her book to be published and she'll be happy.

As for me, I'll be very happy to have my wife back. Yet again we have learned that Jen and pregnancy don't mix. Plus I get another baby girl to spoil, coddle to the point of her developing a near co-dependency on me, and love. And feed...And bathe...And change...oh sweet mother McCree, what have we done???

Its all about perspective...

As you may know, we took a family trip to Las Vegas last August. We did typical stuff that you would expect with having two kids: swimming, M&M World, Coney Island at NY NY, etc. Perhaps the best time we had was at the Shark Reef Exhibit at Mandalay Bay. Claire absolutely loved every minute of our time there.

Well it goes without saying that Claire wants to go back to Vegas, and talks about it constantly. Tonight, as we were getting newborn clothes out and storing Claire's old outfits, Claire marches up and says (again) that she want to go to Vegas. Jen tells her (again) that we cant because the baby will be here on Thursday. Undaunted, Claire plaintively replied, "But what about ME???"

Due Date Update

Right now we're looking at next Thursday. I do believe an Irish name will be in order. Current favorites (mine anyway) now are:
Brigid
Sile (pronounced Sheila)
I truly wonder which it will be!

The due date: Monday, the 15th - 17th, or the 30th...

For those of you not in the know, Jen is expecting our third child. Before you ask, its a girl. It seems as though I can't make anything else. Oh well.

When, you ask, is the newest arrival arriving? Well, your guess is as good as the OB/GYN's! At this point it feels like the stork is throwing darts at a calendar.

A name? Well, no. We don't name our children. Each time the Social Security rep came to pick up our paperwork for each of the first two, we had names written on the whiteboard. I asked them each time which name they liked. Clearly I have problems making decisions. I can tell you the names that are "in the running", in descending order:
Evelyn
Josephine
Bridget
Tierney
Kennedy (a 4000 to 1 long shot at best!)
I'm partial to Josephine, but we'll see.